Tuesday, June 1, 2010
My utter hatred for Diet Coke
Besides hot tea, did you know Diet Coke is the most annoying drink you can order from a flight attendant/air hostess/stewardess/oh miss!/sky hag/slut of the skies? Why? Something about the reaction it has with the ice (a separate post devoted solely to airplane ice to come btw)...I stand there for awkwardly long lengths of time, all bored, needy eyes on me taking a break from their super fun Sudoku and I just know they're wondering 'WTF? Will she hurry up and get to my row already? Why is she just standing there?' You wanna know wtf I'm doing? I'm busy watching the foam dissolve painfully slow, having now ample opportunity to contemplate the tortured death of the passenger who ordered it...the passenger who watched me pour liquid cancer into their plastic cup carefully & methodically....and then asked for the whole can.
I struggle to compose myself, using every ounce of energy I've got (given to me by that delicious raw russet potato aka my 'crew snack') to move the cart along one more row. And as I set down another bag of partially-hydrogenated party mix, I wince because I know it's coming. I see 22A start to mouth those two words to me in slow motion as if this were some cruel joke to further drive me to commit my first homicide at 35,000 ft...I attempt telepathy to change the inevitable outcome- How about water, no ice? I'll even get you two beverages! Yes, I'm desperate now, I'll even run for a HOT TEA dammit! Anything but...well, you know. I can't even say it. But my face can no longer hide the horror as this nightmare repeats itself row after row after row.