Friday, June 18, 2010

I am not a trash can.

Yeah, I know one of my most glamorous duties as a flight attendant is to collect "used service items" aka your gross garbage. And I really have no problem doing it except when....

1. You hand me garbage as soon as you walk on the plane. Your response to my "Good morning! Welcome aboard!" is trash. There is no 'I'm so sorry to do this to you' or 'thank you so much'. I just get trash coming at me before I've even had a chance to process what's happening and to refuse your lipstick kissed Starbucks cup. The pilot I was flying with yesterday witnessed this sadly common event and said to me "Wow. People actually do that?" Thank you! It'd be one thing if you asked to be shown where the nearest trash receptacle was so that YOU can own your environmental impact but instead you shove your double tall iced 2% no foam vanilla latte cup in my face.

2. I'm coming through the aisle for garbage collection and it looks like you shat all over your cup & beverage napkin and put it in my bare hand instead of attempting to place it in the GARBAGE BAG.

3.  You hand me garbage piece by piece.  It's so bizarre.  Why not consolidate your shit and hand it to me all at once in a nice, neat, ball? Sometimes I see the guy who had his itsy-bitsy coffee with 5 sugars and 4 creams hand me each single-serving package back one at a time, shooting hoops. This does not kill any significant amount of flight time mister...just makes me want to kill you.

4.  You take up way too much room in the trash bag because you had to bring on board 2 large pizza boxes and a Big Gulp. You're grosser than your garbage.

5. You ring you flight attendant call button as soon as we've sat down to have a little break and maybe eat something ourselves...I swiftly walk up to your row thinking it's an emergency (because that's what the button is for!) but no, you indeed have interrupted my dinner that I'm already eating next to the lavatories so that I can pick up a napkin that you just had to get rid of now.

6. You try to give me garbage as I'm doing the somewhat sanitary beverage service. Think about what you're doing.

7. You think there's a garbage can on the clean beverage cart and toss your shit into it without asking when we're not looking.  You just put your snotty tissue into someone else's ice dumbass.

8. Your seat back pocket is not a garbage can. I'll walk by, see the pocket stuffed full of shit and linger.  I'm here to get it off your hands, this is the opportunity. You see me. Oh you see me, but you're just too lazy to reach in and transfer the trash to the proper place. I get it! That mass paperback is just so enthralling that you can't tear yourself away for 2 seconds. I totally get it. And you are the one that rings the call button 2 seconds later for princess garbage pick-up. Your checked luggage never makes it to your final destination does it? Maybe it was re-routed to the nearest landfill...


  1. How about the people who see you going row to row collecting trash but either A. Wave their cups over there heads from 4 rows down just to make sure we know they have trash or B. Reach into the bag to stuff their crap in while we're still hands full of the trash in the row in front of them. GRR!!

  2. Ooooh yeah...two great ones I forgot...or how about the poke in the ass from the row behind if you accidently passed them by. Who has the audacity to POKE someone?

  3. OK... How 'bout the passenger who stops you as you come thru with the gray bag, then proceed to finish their beverage while you wait! ARGH!

  4. This was really funny. I enjoyed every bit of it with several LoL's! Thx

  5. What annoys me is what they place there cup on the floor when done with it and expect me to bend down and pick it up. I feel like asking, "Did I give you your drink on the floor?"

  6. Or how about the ones that continue to give you garbage even though both your hands are full of garbage already. As though you have a 3rd hand hidden, wtf!!!