Sunday, May 8, 2011

Feed a Flight Attendant, We'll Save Your Life

Flight attendants get a bad rap.

I know it may seem like we are the bitchiest bitchy bitches in all of customer service land, but I swear for the most part, we are actually really nice people...we're just hangry.  "Real" food is scarce. Do you know how torturous it is to a flight attendant when you board a plane with a pizza box, the scent of pepperoni and cheese now wafting through the cabin? You're an asshole for the tantalizing scent - and for filing up our extremely limited garage space with your cumbersome cardboard box.

You're wondering why we don't just get off the plane and get our own shit...often times we aren't allowed or our connections are so tight we don't have the luxury of time for basic human needs, so we just waste away, surviving on crumbs we find in the seat back pockets until the cleaners get on and take those away from us too.

And now you're wondering, why we aren't all skinny bitches then if we're so malnourished? It's because we're so desperate for anything to put in our faces that we eat bag after bag of high-caloric beverage snacks to keep us alive. There may only be 5-pieces of snack mix inside each bag, but there are like 72 unrecognizable ingredients listed on the package. Ta-da, the illusion of short-term satiation.

You can help. You have a choice. If you're in First Class, say no to the meal offering. If you're in coach, don't buy the hot meal. This way, we can eat what's left over. That is often times, our only hope. Donate to the Feed a Flight Attendant Fund and bring an extra pizza or sandwich onboard next time. Together, we can save each others lives. Save us from hunger pains, and we'll save you in the unlikely event of a plane crash. Sounds more than fair to me...