Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Hijack Attack

Do you know how many times I've been hijacked?

No no, not my airplane...I've been verbally hijacked too many times to count...and by my own kind, fellow flight attendants. I'm sure many of you can relate to people like this in your lives, it's just that with flight attendants, you're fucking trapped, like really fucking trapped, like on an airplane, sometimes strapped into a jump seat next to said hijacker. No ransom moolah is coming through for you.

There's a pretty good chance that on any given trip, there's one. One flight attendant who's not picking up on my super obvious cues that I just need a minute to myself when I'm not out in the cabin getting barked at. Yeah I need a minute from the passengers but mainly from you you narcissist. It's you who really drains me by the end of the day, not the lady who held me personally responsible for not being able to guarantee a sulfite-free meal option or the man who asked me for an empty water bottle in which he could drain his catheter into from his seat. So please, on behalf of the socially decent, shut the fuck up. I just need a minute. I want a minute to look at Kim Kardashian fat pictures in peace without you reading over my shoulder and putting your 2 cents in. I want a minute to eat the lunch I brought without you asking what each and every ingredient is every time I take a bite. I need a minute to simply sit in silence without you interrupting my zen to tell me about your second divorce for the third time. I didn't ask. I don't want to hear about how you have a hair appointment on your next day off.

I'm hardly an anti-social person. I can be good at small talk with my crew. Sometimes I even enjoy it and may actually feel enough of a genuine connection to even exchange phone numbers with a crewbie only to hardly contact again. But there's a clear difference in the filter/awareness level between the social butterflies and these rude dudes I speak of. I started recording examples of this verbal diarrhea on my phone when I felt hijacked. No one believed the extent of this cluelessness until I showed them my proof. I have an almost 10 min audio clip of a single run-on sentence from a co-worker about the time she had the lead singer of Nickelback on her flight. Nickelback. I just couldn't fake interest with this one and proceeded to put my head down, ear plugs in, turned my back slightly, and opened up a book.

She continued...