Wednesday, August 28, 2013

How NOT to Hit on a Flight Attendant

Oh come on.

Admit it. You've dressed up (or thought about dressing up) as a slutty steward(ess) for Halloween. You've fantasized about role-playing a mile-high type scenario in the cockpit with a lover.  Now you're heading out of town on business, secretly hoping that there will be at least one banging hot (ok well at least a 5 out of 10) flight attendant in the crew that can distract you on your flight to XYZ. Although more rare nowadays, say you do hit the jackpot on this particular flight. You find yourself hot for a particular wo(man) in wings and you feel like you will kick yourself if you don't make a move before the plane lands. You've got nothing to lose right?

So what do you do? How do you do it? How do you ask a flight attendant out?

Well there doesn't seem to be much forethought in the approach because here's what's been done to me...and what you should never do.

- Please don't say, "Don't worry, I liked it." in response to my genuine apology if I've accidentally bumped my ass into your elbow or shoulder as I'm walking up the aisle.

- Catch me in the galley on break scarfing down my dinner and say, "Oh good. I thought you were anorexic." This is not a nice way of saying, Hey I think you're fit and I'm attracted to your bod.

- I'm serving you a beverage from the cart and you hand me a business card not so subtlety in front of a bunch of other passengers. You guys almost always work in I.T. and/or wear a low ponytail and suit from 1992.

- You try to buy me a drink...on the flight in which I'm working you fool.

- You tell me you are carrying half a million dollars in your suitcase. Short. Man. Syndrome.

You know I've got to hand it to you. I get that you're being ballsy. You're taking a chance. But just remember that this isn't a bar, I'm at work, stuck in a tin can. I'm completely sober, you're usually not.

And just so you know if maybe, just maybe you don't act like Mr/Mrs. Creep, some of us sky sluts have business cards of our own. ;)

Saturday, August 24, 2013

I'm Back Bitches.

Hi people.

I know. I left. I left you without closure, without so much as even a break-up text.

But MILLIONS of my loyal followers have reached out to me over the last year about why I disappeared from the interwebs so suddenly. Apparently, you guys weren't completely tired of me bitching and pointing out the crazy shit you fools do. Trust me I never stopped, I just stopped writing it down here for a hot second/year.

Everyone needs a break right?. Like a yolo moment or two. A layover from the layover. To slam-click on life. To 'do not disturb' you know?

But bitches...I'm back at your request.

Expect a site update in the nearish future, a refresh, a new look, a hot new uniform if you will...

I've banked a biffy full of material since I last posted so let's have some fun again shall we?

xo, CTM