Friday, June 4, 2010

Ice, Ice, Baby


So as I've said, airplane ice is a BIG effing deal (to the FAs and passengers) and thus deserves its own post. I worked a flight from LAX-SJD yesterday and one member of my crew lost it. Literally lost it, grumbling through grated teeth to the other FA working the beverage cart, "Go to the back galley and get me my medication." He was completely serious. It was a difficult flight to begin with (most Cabo flights are) but the final straw for him was because of the I-C-E...because a couple of twenty-something year old girls from Vancouver (an important detail as FAs can uncannily peg anyone's 'neediness level' based on route cities) refused their drinks because the ice was...melting. Really. Really? Really. That's what ice does you stupid, stupid girls, it melts. Especially after sitting on a full plane for a few hours going into Mexico. What do you want us to do? Run to the corner store? Throw the melting ice into the freezer we don't have? Order it to be sent up via super bird?

Besides those effing stupid girls, ice is also a BIG effing deal with particular cultures, notably with asian and hispanic cultures. They DO NOT want anything to do with it. It's almost scary, the aversion they have to frozen water. It's like there's poop in it or something...and that's exactly why mexican citizens hate ice. Their ice is unclean therefore all ice is unclean. They interpret our question of "Would you like ice in that?" as "Would you like feces with your beverage?" And for the asian cultures, I dunno...I just think it's a temperature issue which would explain the guaranteed hot tea requests after screaming, "NOOOO ICE! Ok!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO ICE! AHHHH!" accompanied by animated hand gestures which I guess are supposed to mean the same thing but really look like they want to murder me, the terrifying ice monster.

Then we have those who are very specific to the exact number of ice cubes they would like. 1, 2, 3 and a half, 7, etc... you picky bastards deserve poop in your beverage.

As for the flight attendants like myself, nothing makes us happier than if the ice we are catered is of "quality". Meaning no chunks of shapeless, cracked mass, but if it's uniformly cubed we rejoice. We Hallelujah! and high-five eachother as if the plane were empty...if it's 'good ice.' The only reason why is because the sodas foam less so that we can get through the cabin with you yelling 'NO ICE!' or insane 2.75 ice cube requests that much faster and so then can get back to the jumpseat to catch up on the latest smut in the US Weekly we stole from you.

8 comments:

  1. I hear ya Tina, at the bakery I work at they want their croissant cut in fourths with two pieces for here heated up and the other two boxed up to go both individually wrapped. As well as other ridiculous requests of course.

    :o AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

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  2. I really am laughing out loud! Too funny and oh, so true! Thanks Tina! K Farina

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  3. I just LOL'ed....!!!!! and almost PMP!

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  4. That was too funny! Im 17, and i want to be a flight attendant, and through my research i saw that FA get excited over a perticular shaped ice..now i know why! and i think chrisk meant by PMP was pooped my pants, idk thats just my guess that makes since. =)

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  5. So rookie mistake on a Punta Cana stop and go. We left the ice in a canister which was located above and opposite the 2L jumpseat. It melted like a mofo. When we landed back at home base and braked on the runway it all came GUSHING out of the back of the canister where it had somehow leaked and hidden for four hours, ALL OVER the poor 2L FA. It was hysterically funny, until we thought there was a bad news leak in the galley. Once we figured out it was just melted ice though, it continued to be hysterically funny. :)

    I adore your posts! More more more!

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  6. Thank you Flygirl! :) Oh trust me, so much material so little time!

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  7. LOL. That is so true. I've also noticed that those of East Indian culture do not like ice. You are hilarious.

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