Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Can I Have a Glass of Water?

This seems like a simple request.

But for some reason, it's often not.

The "simple" request is often followed by a litany of reasons of WHY you want a glass of water. Spare your air hostesses please. We don't need to know what exact medication(s) you are taking that you need said water for. I don't need to know that you need this glass of water not for you, but for your wife, as you point to her general direction. I don't need to know that it's for your 3-year old son.  I don't need to know why you didn't bring water of your own since you can't wait for the beverage service.  I don't need to know why you are coughing and how long you've been sick for.

It's like if you come up with a legit reason for thirst, THEN your flight attendants will honor your request. If not, sorry, we're gonna leave you high and dehydrated. Relax...if you want water, simply ask nicely and we will provide, no explanation necessary.

This also goes for lavatory use requests when the seatbelt sign is on. I understand when nature calls, it calls. I'm not gonna make you marinate in your own excrement. Just be careful, and do your business. I don't need to know what kind of business is being done. One time, this grown woman wearing pajama jeans felt like she needed to give me all the shatty details of her bowel growl in exchange for access to the can.  Cmon, TMI lady. Keep your shit to yourself.


  1. I love when they stop in the galley during boarding and ask for a glass of water - for a pill - and then show me the pill. As if I won't give them water unless it's for a pill. And I won't believe them unless I SEE the pill.

  2. Now.. for my next trick... I will attempt to swallow the pill while violently throwing my head back.

    Also for your reading pleasure.. if you feel so inclined.

  3. I had a flight attendant yell at me for getting up to use the bathroom. It was a long flight, Shanghai to SFO, on United. The pilot was super trigger happy with the seat belt sign.

    At some point over the Pacific, the sign had been on about 3-5 minutes prior. There was no turbulence, and I had to pee, so I got up and headed to the back. This FA, who was strapped in her jump seat, started giving me the third degree, super nasty tone, about why I was up. I told her I had to go to the bathroom. She told me, still in the same nasty tone, to go back to my seat. I didn't want to cause a problem, so I went back... and headed to the bathrooms at the middle of the plane, where there were a bunch of people standing and walking around, and the FAs there didn't bother anyone.

    So, unfortunately, although you might never bother someone about using the bathroom during a flight, some FAs seem to have a different philosophy.

  4. People behave that way because they've been trained to. Maybe you're fine about giving people water, but I once saw a fello passengers told there IS no water -- that they'd run out of bottled water. And she didn't offer tap water. (American Airlines, business class, mid-2000s)

    On a related note, on a different flight, transatlantic flight, I had an upset stomach and politely asked for some milk (after beverage service, during the movie, not asked in any sort of tone whatsoever) and the FA told me, "Get it yourself." That didn't even make sense -- there are no delis at 30,000 feet. Maybe if I had explained I was feeling ill she would have been more human.

    You want to know why people tell you these things? Here are two reasons why.

  5. Typo above: Should be "fellow passenger"