Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Jetway Surprise

I've just landed in location B, deplaning is complete, the plane looks like a war zone, my crew and I have packed up our shit, and have checked every seat back pocket for free magazines on the way off.

K, so now we're ready to exit the aircraft to change planes and head out to location C...often times after having to sit at an airport for an efficient 3+ hours. Don't get me started.

So there is often a jetway exchange that happens if there is a new crew waiting to come aboard our bird. Sometimes it stresses me out because you never know who you might be running into during one of these swaps. I could step off that plane and into a minefield. Senses are heightened, eyes peeled. Am I going to run into that bitch who almost got me fired last year? Yeah lady, I found out. Someone who's tried to bone me and a whole other slew of stewardesses perhaps? Yeah you married douchebag, we know. Maybe that freakshow who talked my ear off about her rambunctious cat for 6 HOURS on a transcon? Uuuuuuugh.

You never know...I cross my fingers every time and hope to run into a cool person but the chances of that happening are slim to none. BUT if this does happen, it's like you've won the lottery.  If you happen to run into a flight attendant you even somewhat remember remotely liking, there is cheering and clapping and jumping and hugging. It's ridiculously effusive. You'd think we'd just gotten off a deserted island or have been reunited with our conjoined twin by this rare display of happiness.  Then you're forced to catch up at cracked out speeds because you only have about 30 seconds before the agents are rolling their eyes and breathing down all our necks to turn the plane.  It's quite the scene. And God forbid, if another FA from your crew receives the coveted attention and you don't, there is jealousy, hair pulling, sometimes bitch slapping, and heavy heavy drinking at the hotel bar about it later on...


  1. Nice! I feel you on this one. Hope to see you in the jetway.

  2. OMG... I don't know who you are, but you are hilarious. i love, love, love your writing!

  3. Unlike you I hope to have a jetway run in with the heartless cunt-face who went running to tell on me because I asked her to add me to her NO-FLY list.

    I would like to thank her for the lovely pair of black Manolo Blahnik's I purchased after my mandatory "meeting" to explain my actions. I was paid for my time and used that extra money wisely.