Short-Man Syndrome

How dare my assumptions lie to me. I imagined glamourously swimming in a plethora of pilots who closely resembled George Clooney and Brad Pitt before I first started in this industry.  But no, instead, I've been witness to what I like to call Short-Man Syndrome. 4 out of 5 pilots seem to suffer from this disease.  It's when if the said pilot quite commonly happens to look like a cross between a garden gnome, an Oompa Loompa, and Santa Claus, and thus, they have no choice but to overcompensate. (The rare female pilot is excluded.)

Overcompensate with what?  Let's see...American flag ties and patriotic pins, patchwork leather bomber jackets, bad jokes (sometimes over the PA in which when this happens, I want to yell 'FIRE!' or if we are in the air "WE'RE GOING DOWN!" so I can drown the douche out with screaming), moustaches, when they come out of the flight deck for a potty break they make such a scene so that the whole cabin can see who's "in command", giving TMI (ex. "We will be taking off from runway Alpha Delta Foxtrot 29er and then will be making a left turn over the Cascade Mt. Range and then a right turn towards China where we will ascend to exactly 36,000ft in which the ride will be smooth until we fly over Never Never Land where we may hit some mildly severe turbulence, blah, blah, no one fucking cares, blaaaaaaaaaah."), and finally, the short man almost always carries a gun for protection. You never see the ever so rare 'average to attractive' looking pilot carrying that shit.  Just sayin'...